A horrifying story to report today: The Maine Chainsaw Massacre.

MOUNT DESERT—Police responded to a complaint about a party in a cottage off Main Street on Aug. 9. The caller told police that the partygoers were not being loud but that he heard what he thought to be a chainsaw started up every few minutes. Police met with some people who said there was no chainsaw. They believed the sound could have been coming from a mixer they were using to make frozen margaritas.

My God: I own a chainsaw and a mixer. What if I get them confused some day? O, the carnage!