I'll never understand why so many people think Maine is a bizarre backwards state, forever destined to the rear corners of American minds along with Wyoming, Idaho, and the like.

We have modern amenities such as broadband Internet access and hot water (agua caliente for our Spanish-speaking readers — ¡Saludos amigos!). There are places where one can play bocce under pretty trees while enjoying a crisp alcoholic beverage. Our instititutions of higher learning perform groundbreaking research involving putting blueberries into hamburgers. And the artistic and literary acheivements of many residents are...wait a second, putting blueberries into hamburgers?

Forget everything I've just said. This place is more backwards than Jim Marshall driving a car in reverse on Opposite Day.