Animals and crime! Animals and crime! A combination on this island that's as natural as cousin and cousin.

Today's Police Beat entry was reported from my hometown. No one should have to live in such close proximity to such dastardly evil.

SOUTHWEST HARBOR — A concerned citizen reported an injured duck on Feb. 13. Police notified the Acadia Wildlife Foundation, who agreed to pick up the bird and tend to it.

On the plus side, NBC has contacted me to develop a new television series in their wildly overextended franchise family: Law & Order: MDI. The pilot episode will involve a wig that has been removed from a lobster trap, and the injured duck who sold it to a group of wandering cattle. I don't want to jinx it, but I think I've convinced Angela Lansbury to get on board.